It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been taking time to observe life and try not to judge everything I see, feel and notice. Like when I’m checking Facebook, I’ve noticed that my face gets crinkled and I can feel my brain and body shutting down. So, I’ve been spending less time scrolling through my feed, and I feel lighter. It’s like candy. The other day I caught myself saying, “Ok, 5 minutes on Facebook,” and then I thought to myself, that’s the same thing you say to yourself when you have chocolate, or pizza, “ok, one more piece, then I will stop.”
I’ve realized that when I say something like that to myself in the first place, it’s probably not a good thing to begin with. And bargaining with myself for just a little more is a bad habit that I am willing to break. So, by taking the time to observe my habits, behaviors and self talk, I can see what needs to change. Before, when I was in the moment of bargaining with myself, I always had a justification for why I was doing what I was doing. If I wanted that extra slice of pizza, even though I was no longer hungry, I would tell my self that I would exercise a little more the next day to burn it off. Five more minutes on Facebook would equal five more minutes of meditation later. But the next day and later were excuses. Why not now? Why not take the time it takes to eat the pizza and take the dogs for a walk instead? Why not meditate now?
Stop bargaining with yourself and sit back and observe where you are now. Change this moment, this very moment into the moment you promised yourself you would have later.
Self observation is very powerful, and you don’t need to ask yourself “Why?” you are possessing these negative habits, thoughts or patterns. Because the reasons don’t really matter. What matters is the moment you decide to change them into something better for yourself. Every moment you decide to change yourself for the better, which can be every moment of every day, you become happier and free from external agitators. And every moment you hold on to the moment before, it time wasted in moving forward, and freeing yourself from thoughts and feelings that no longer serve you.
Another habit that has helped me to free myself from negativity in my life is talking about my frustrations. I drive from place to place all day long, from one class to the next. From downtown Orlando to Disney, to Lake County and back home, almost daily. The drivers in Orlando are horrible. Nearly 1/3 of the all drivers are tourists not knowing where they are going, plus the roads here just don’t make sense. The Central Florida area has so many lakes and gated communities, one can get turned around and lost even with the best GPS.
So being a local, I get frustrated when people cut me off crossing three lanes to get to their exit, or scooting into the left hand turn lane after the light has turned red, or driving REALLY slow looking for the place they are going. I used to love to come home to tell my husband how horrible it was on the roads all day and explain in detail the movement of every automobile that got in my way.
So I observed myself and my frustrations on the road and decided not to take it home with me. I noticed that when I talked about it at home, I was carrying it with me all the way home, when before I thought I was just telling him a story. However, I realized that I was waiting to express my anger all over again, and that’s just a waste of time. I could spend that time discussing more positive things or just spending quality time with my husband, enjoying our time together. Which is so much better, because we hardly see each other anyway, since our work schedules are so opposite. So our time together is precious and I am no longer wasting it on griping about how horrible traffic was all day. Now I am free, free from the anger and frustration I felt I needed to express after it was all over, free to enjoy my time in peace and free to create the life and relationships I want.